It is said that there are no stupid questions, but there are those which can hurt. When does it happen? When pain collides with curiosity without empathy. Then every question is a bullet.
You have to know what happens in life so you don’t ask.
Sometimes the whole world disappears. The only thing which remains is a wounded heart. Small microcosmos which explodes with despair every second. You feel like you are in a laboratory and your life is liquefied, tested and analyzed. Tears fall on the floor. You hear the sound of broken glass. All the cylinders are shattered into million pieces. They create mysterious painting of pain, yearning, grief and doubt.
You ask when the world ceases to exist?
When something terrible happens. Like death of someone dear to us. The loss of a friend forever. You encounter pain which the mind cannot grasp and is cornered by thousands of questions. You are defeated.
If you have ever lost someone whom you had loved, you know what I’m writing about.
If you have ever experienced unimaginable tragedy, you comprehend what I’m thinking about.
If you met a person grey of sadness, then you understand how difficult it is to face tragedy.
Now imagine that someone is asking you:
– How do you feel?
When you ask: “How do you feel?” you drive a pin into someone’s heart.
Maybe your question is well-intended. You ask because you are polite. Perhaps you do not know that someone experiences pain. But if you know that there is something painful happening in another person’s life, think twice before you ask how he or she feels.
One of the most magical questions in the world: “How do you feel?” may be an expression of love or recklessness and lack of empathy. Everything depends on the situation, relation and a person.
Do not think: “I’m such a great guy because I care by asking that question.” Be one step further wondering what thoughts and emotions you will cause with this question.
Look at another person with your heart. When you notice that a question ignites embarrassment – stop.
Do not ask.
Do not comment.
Try asking, if you can help somehow. And maybe don’t. I don’t know. But never insist. Never ask about more when someone does not want to answer. Do not corner somebody with your question “out of good heart”.
Give up. Change the subject. Think about the question which will let another person feel comfortably. Even for a moment it will take his or her thoughts away from the things which penetrate the mind for long minutes, hours, and days. Ask: what do they do for living, what do they read or watch, if they have any tourist plans.
The question: “How do you feel?” can be a mistake. It can be a bullet into someone’s heart. But the worst thing is that instead of stopping you keep firing with follow-up questions.
You have a problem with saying: “This question was a mistake.” Admit to the error to yourself, give up and provide the other person with what he or she needs. Change the subject, keep quiet, give a hug. I don’t know what you can do, but I know what not to do. Do not share what you think will help someone. Do not have blind faith in your knowledge. You don’t know. You have no idea.
Sometimes the whole world disappears. The only thing which remains is a wounded heart. Small microcosmos which explodes with despair every second. You feel like you are in a laboratory and your life is liquefied, tested and analyzed. Tears fall on the floor. You hear the sound of broken glass. All the cylinders are shattered into million pieces. They create mysterious painting of pain, yearning, grief and doubt.
If you are a good and wise person, do not ask any more.
Photo by Jacek Kutyba.